Oct 30, 2011

Learn well the Rules of Your Youth.

Life has a way of teaching some valuable lessons to us. One being “Rules of your youth also apply to your adulthood.”

Marie and I have not been married for 34 years. I cherish the time that we have been able to spend together and the love that we have for each other. That 34 years of course has not been void of it’s challenges for each of us and it has been many times that I have heard her say to me “We don’t seem to be having a very good relationship” or something to that effect. Now I have been a typical male and thought things were going great but she has had things missing in the relationship that I just didn’t understand. I have worked hard to change that and can now say that I haven’t heard those statements for several years and hope not to if I can avoid it. Some of the things which helped foster those feeling was my lack of doing the dishes and other household chores. When we were married Marie became pregnant on our honeymoon and Ben was born 3 weeks premature just 8 and a half months later. I was working for a TV repair shop and required to be on the job from early in the morning until the job was done which many times was till late at night. I felt as though I didn’t ever get to see her or Ben until Saturday and Sunday. When I would try to help with the dishes or whatever she would always chase me away and say that it was her job not mine and I finally quit offering and found other things to do. That was a big mistake but one that I made and it has taken years to be able to occasionally help with the dishes. We did always go grocery shopping as much together as possible and I always liked to take her with me when doing errands in the car or being required to go somewhere for something when I could take her along. However our love for each other has been challenged several times.

One particular instance started when another member of the ward took a liking to her and found ways to talk to her and be with her even though I might have even been there as well. During the years that I worked on swing shift he would call her from his shop and talk to her for long periods of time knowing she was home without me there. The occasional times he would call and I would answer when I was there didn’t seem to puzzle me for long because he always had something to ask me about and then would hang up. The there was a ward adult party where we met as couples and left babysitters with our children for the night. We had gone up to a cabin in Hobble Creek and had a great evening meal and then settled in for games and eventually as movie. It was a bit chilly so we had blankets that we put over us as we watched the movie and I was on one side of Marie and this fellow had sat on the other with his wife next to him. It wasn’t unusual to me because I was their family home teacher and knew them both fairly well or so I thought. It ended up that while we were watching the movie had had his hand high up on her leg and was caressing her during the time on the couch. This is why I titled this story as this ws one of those lessons from our youth “Never sit under covers together when dating while watching a movie.”  I never knew this had happened for several years or that he was calling her late at night but have always been thankful that she loved me enough to stick with me during those tempting times for her. He eventually moved on to another woman in the ward to whose family he was assigned as Home teacher and broke up that marriage. Then ended up with his own marriage broken and living out of his car.

I too have had a challenge that I never recognized until later. I had become friends during this same period of time with a divorced young mother that worked at Signetics on the same shift. I was a supervisor over the work crew repairing the  manufacturing equipment and had 5 or six men whom I was responsible for during that shift. One of the fellows was single and quite liked this woman and she would often talk to me about their relationship. I would “counsel” her about the relationship as though I really knew how to do it and unknown to myself he was somewhat jealous of the time I would talk to her not knowing that I was talking to her for his sake. Then there were a couple of times that she became scared that someone was stalking her and following her home to Spanish Fork after the shift was over at midnight so a couple of times I followed her to her apartment and waited for her to go in before going on home to Mapleton. She had even invited me in to the apartment as well but both times I told her I would stay in the car until I saw her light come on and then I would leave. I was tempted to go in with her but knew that I had a far better girl waiting at home for me. Later my employee told me in an interview for a raise that he thought that I was trying to get her from him for myself. I was shocked because I had never wanted to do that and told him that and then a few months later was invited to their marriage. I thought that I had really helped cement the relationship for them however when looking back realize just how close I had come to falling in love with her at the expense of my own marriage. Then a few years later learned that they had divorced and I have often wondered if she was really after me rather than him. Thus a second lesson was learned again that applied from my youth to “Always remember who you are and do the right thing”.

Well I have been grateful that I learned these and many other rules in my youth. I also am thankful that they apply even more once you are married and have found one that you can be eternally happy with and deeply in love with as well. But my reason for telling these stories is that you must always remember those rules that applied during your dating years and during your youth because they apply even more if you want to have a lasting relationship. Life is not as shown on TV and those who fool around texting, calling, sitting next to under blankets in the most causal of circumstances or even trying to counsel for all the right reasons will loose that which is most precious, a wonderful partner whom you must have once loved or you wouldn’t have decide to marry the first time. Love is something that has to be constantly nurtured and never left to chance or left alone. I love you Marie and thank you for all the wonderful years together that we have had and hope to still have.