A few memories of my mother Ilean

Share some memories you have of your mother, Gertrude Ilean Hansen Poulson.

Again where to start.

Last week I wrote about dad and the same problem is present today as I try to write about my mother.

Mom was a great teacher and a great friend as well. I remember family home evenings with her and listening to her teach the lessons along with dad. She also helped each of us when it was our turn. She was not my teacher at all in elementary school but I did have classes with her several times in high school, however she was an English teacher at home constantly. She would more than once remind us of how to correctly say something in English and how to spell words correctly. I don’t know that I appreciated that then like I do now.

Mom and dad loved books and I don’t know which one was the driver of the fact that every Christmas one of our gifts was a small quote book. I used them all the time when I had to give talks in church as a youth and in fact have used them even as an adult. I know that I have often referred to stories that I read in those books through my life. I didn’t gain a desire to read a lot back then but since then have learned to love reading and it was all instilled into my brain at an early age by mom.

I learned many lessons from mom about other things in life as well. She taught me cleanliness and her example of daily bathing helped me to develop the habit of daily showers. Of course I shower mostly because I want to control my hair and it is always easier when it has been cleaned in the shower each morning. I even carried that habit into my week long scout camps and always felt pretty dirty (which I most likely was) when I couldn’t get a shower each day. I was able to shower most of the camps that I went on but it was with a lot less water than I cared for each time.

Leesa was a year older than me and I still remember one day as we were driving home from town and I was in the back seat that Leesa was sitting in the front seat and for some reason, which I can’t remember, spelled the word “bra” to mom. I thought it funny that she would spell the word knowing that I could spell but maybe it was a little less embarrassing to talk to mom about it when I was in the car if she spelled it. Mom talked to her about it and didn’t see the need to continue the spelling part with it. I really can’t remember any of the rest of the conversation just Leesa spelling out the word and mom continuing with no worry about the fact that I was in the back seat.

Mother wrote to me regularly during my college and mission years. She also wrote to us after we were married but not quite so often. I think back now on the number of times I wrote to her and except for my mission it was far less often than what she had written. Now as I have the perspective from a grandparents point of view I was way too negligent in my communication with her in her years when she most likely longed for seeing her grandchildren. We sometimes now take the internet and our phones for granted since we can communicate so much more frequently with our families.  Marie and I after our children were pretty much grown would spend a week or two a year with her in Duchesne while photographing at Alan’s store in town. I cherished those visits which ended way to early.

Mom was supportive in my scouting experiences and desires but I often felt she didn’t really realize how important they were to me and to my boys. I pretty much realize now though that she was thinking more along the line for Marie and our relationship rather than scouting. That seemed to change one year though when Marie had gone to stay with her for a few days while I was at camp at Bennion Creek. We were headed to Arizona the Friday at the end of camp so Marie was coming to pick me up there and would have mom with her. They got there and we went home so I could clean up a bit and then we headed south to St George and then to Arizona. Well Marie commented that the car had overheated a little bit coming from Duchesne but I couldn’t find anything wrong so we headed out. Well all was pretty much OK except for it getting a little hot on a couple of the passes on the way to St George but after we gassed up in Hurricane and started up the hill toward Colorado City we suddenly had major problems. The radiator blew apart at the top of the hill. I looked at it and knew we were in trouble so I turned around and went back down into town. Well a scouting friend of mine from the wood badge courses for the two years prior to that lived in town. I called him and asked for advice on where to take the car. His father-in-law just happened to own a repair shop so we met him over there. His father-in-law determined it would need a new radiator but would have to get it from Las Vegas the next week. Well we had to be in Arizona the next morning for a family wedding so he told us to take his van and we would exchange cars when we got back the next week. Well we were able to go on and complete the photography for the wedding and have an enjoyable visit that next week with family in AZ. After returning to Hurricane we got together with my friend and went to the garage where the car was ready. His father-in-law then told me that if we made it to the top of the black hills then we were on our own but to comeback if it didn’t work prior to that time. Well we were only a few miles up the canyon when it overheated again so we turned around. I had called my friend and he met us at the exit from the freeway with his wife and father-in-law. We transferred our things into their van and his father-in-law then drove our car back to Hurricane and we rode with my friend to Mapleton. They stated that they needed to get away and left their children with grandparents so they could take us home and then they stayed with a friend in Alpine for the night before returning home. Mom could not get over what they had done for us and I then explained that they were only part of the friends that we now had all over Utah that would help in a minutes notice just like we would help any of them as well. It was a brother and sisterhood that had all developed because of my time spent scouting.

She wasn’t so adamant about cutting back after that on my scouting work in the district and council.

Mom was a good cook but she loved to teach us to cook as well. She had Clair cooking the bread for the family each week until he went on his mission and then I took over until I went on my mission. It wasn’t long after I left that she bought a bread maker and used that to make her bread.

Mom loved genealogy and spent many hours collecting pictures and making books of each on the four lines of our family. I would often go with her and photograph picture that some of her cousins would have and then I would give them to her. She and two sisters, Helen and Carma, were working on one for the Charles and Alvira Hansen line when she passed away in 2001. Helen and Carma then came down to our home several times after that for the next four years and we completed the book which ended up being around 600 pages. Mom had a good share of it done and the skeleton of the complete book so all we had to do was complete the final copy. With help from Mike Hendriksen, Helen’s son-in-law, we were able to put them into pdf files for all of the family. These advances in technology would have made mother very excited since now it was all so easy to share. 

I loved my parents and am so thankful for the efforts that they made to teach me the gospel and to teach me to love others like they did. Thank you mom and dad.

Don't let past pain continue to hurt

Agree with thine adversary quickly

In Matthew 5:25 it says to agree with thine adversaries quickly.  As I was studying the scripture a couple of weeks ago I found a talk by Elder David A Sorenson from which the following quote comes. “Nowhere does this principle apply more than in our families.”

Here is a story that went along with that talk.

“I grew up in a small farming town where water was the lifeblood of the community. I remember the people of our society constantly watching, worrying, and praying over the rain, irrigation rights, and water in general. Sometimes my children chide me; they say they never knew someone so preoccupied with rain. I tell them I suppose that’s true because where I grew up the rain was more than a preoccupation. It was a matter of survival!

Under the stress and strain of our climate, sometimes people weren’t always at their best. Occasionally, neighbors would squabble over one farmer taking too long a turn from the irrigation ditch. That’s how it started with two men who lived near our mountain pasture, whom I will call Chet and Walt. These two neighbors began to quarrel over water from the irrigation ditch they shared. It was innocent enough at first, but over the years the two men allowed their disagreements to turn into resentment and then arguments—even to the point of threats.

One July morning both men felt they were once again short of water. Each went to the ditch to see what had happened, each in his own mind reckoning the other had stolen his water. They arrived at the headgate at the same time. Angry words were exchanged; a scuffle ensued. Walt was a large man with great strength. Chet was small, wiry, and tenacious. In the heat of the scuffle, the shovels the men were carrying were used as weapons. Walt accidentally struck one of Chet’s eyes with the shovel, leaving him blind in that eye.

Months and years passed, yet Chet could not forget nor forgive. The anger that he felt over losing his eye boiled inside him, and his hatred grew more intense. One day, Chet went to his barn, took down the gun from its rack, got on his horse, and rode down to the headgate of the ditch. He put a dam in the ditch and diverted the water away from Walt’s farm, knowing that Walt would soon come to see what had happened. Then Chet slipped into the brush and waited. When Walt appeared, Chet shot him dead. Then he got on his horse, went back to his home, and called the sheriff to inform him that he had just shot Walt.

My father was asked to be on the jury that tried Chet for murder. Father disqualified himself because he was a longtime friend of both men and their families. Chet was tried and convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison.

After many years, Chet’s wife came to my father and asked if he would sign a petition to the governor, asking for clemency for her husband, whose healthwas now broken after serving so many years in the state penitentiary. Father signed the petition. A few nights later, two of Walt’s grown sons appeared at our door. They were very angry and upset. They said that because Father had signed the petition, many others had signed. They asked Father to have his name withdrawn from the petition. He said no. He felt that Chet was a broken and sick man. He had suffered these many years in prison for that terrible crime of passion. He wanted to see Chet have a decent funeral and burial beside his family.

Walt’s sons whirled in anger and said, “If he is released from prison, we will see that harm comes to him and his family.”

Chet was eventually released and allowed to come home to die with his family. Fortunately, there was no further violence between the families. My father often lamented how tragic it was that Chet and Walt, these two neighbors and boyhood friends, had fallen captive to their anger and let it destroy their lives. How tragic that the passion of the moment was allowed to escalate out of control—eventually taking the lives of both men—simply because two men could not forgive each other over a few shares of irrigation water.

The Savior said, “Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him,”¹ thus commanding us to resolve our differences early on, lest the passions of the moment escalate into physical or emotional cruelty, and we fall captive to our anger.

Nowhere does this principle apply more than in our families. Your specific concern may not be water, but each of us on earth, living under the stress and strain of this telestial climate, will have reason—real or perceived—to take offense. How will we react? Will we take offense? Will we find fault? Will we let the passions of the moment overcome us?”

 He then went on to say after talking about rattlesnakes:

 “Now let me take a moment here to note that we must take care in our families not to cause spiritual or emotional snakebites in the first place! In much of today’s popular culture, the virtues of forgiveness and kindness are belittled, while ridicule, anger, and harsh criticism are encouraged. If we are not careful, we can fall prey to these habits within our own homes and families and soon find ourselves criticizing our spouse, our children, our extended family members. Let us not hurt the ones we love the most by selfish criticism! In our families, small arguments and petty criticisms, if allowed to go unchecked, can poison relationships and escalate into estrangements, even abuse and divorce. Instead, just like we learned with the poisonous venom, we must “make full haste” to reduce arguments, eliminate ridicule, do away with criticism, and remove resentment and anger. We cannot afford to let such dangerous passions ruminate—not even one day.”

I recently read a story of some friends who were hunting and one of them was bitten by a rattlesnake. The other three went in search of the snake later finding and killing it. By the time they got the first person to a hospital to have the bite treated it had been so ling and the bite had poison had done so much damage that the leg had to be removed. The story then commented that the snakes life was not worth the leg that had to be removed due to the need to have vengeance on the snake. 

Another quote from the talk:

President Brigham Young once compared being offended to a poisonous snakebite. He said that “there are two courses of action to follow when one is bitten by a rattlesnake. One may, in anger, fear, or vengefulness, pursue the creature and kill it. Or he may make full haste to get the venom out of his system.” He said, “If we pursue the latter course we will likely survive, but if we attempt to follow the former, we may not be around long enough to finish it.”²

I know there have been some circumstances in our family that have caused hurt and pain but my true hope is that these incidents have been properly resolved and that possible pride and vengeance have been forgotten in that process. I love all of you and know that Jesus Christ can take any hurt we feel and remove it if we will but turn it over to Him and let Him do it. Actually He already did in the Garden of Gethsemanee and we just have to let it take effect for us.

Love

Dad